Hello, Friends

I've been thinking about the word "friend" for awhile now. I'm not sure that that means I have anything meaningful or useful to say about it, but I won't let that stop me from trying. 

The thing is, Facebook insists on calling everyone we know a "friend." I also work with two guys who call everyone who walks in the door "friend." I get what they're trying to do, and I'm not mocking it. In fact, it's kind of cool that they can pull it off, but it's not true. People you see on a daily basis are not necessarily your friends. The people you hung out with in high school because it was them or no one - they aren't your friends either. The people you work with are not your friends. Even your family isn't automatically on the friends list. That's because a friend does more than just exist. 

A friend is someone who always answers your texts. A friend doesn't need to think about whether or not they want to hang out - either they're free or they aren't. Friends don't count up how much money or gas or food they owe each other, because friends don't keep score. A friend absolutely WILL talk about you when you aren't around, because they love you, they miss you, they wish you were there, they need to stick up for you, or because you're so hilarious they have to share the funny things you do and say. Sometimes, friends fight, but it's usually over stupid, unimportant things, and friends always apologize instead of ignoring the bad feelings. Friends make an effort - to see each other, to talk to each other, to know each other... to stay friends. A friend isn't just there for the good times, although they always make good times better. Friends are the people you can call in the middle of the night and say "I need to talk," "I messed up," "I need your help" and know they'll somehow make it all better. 

A friend is a person who hears what you mean, not what you say. A friend is someone you have ridiculous inside jokes with, someone who can make you laugh with one phrase or sentence from your shared past. Friends will let you rant, knowing you're in the wrong but never telling you until you're ready to hear it. A friend is not necessarily someone who thinks exactly the same as you do - in fact, they should be the opposite. A friend should challenge your thoughts and opinions once in a while, because it's important to hear ideas that differ from yours from someone you love and respect. A friend knows your faults but loves you anyway. Sometimes friends keep secrets from each other, not out of malice or spite, but to protect one another. Sometimes friends lie to each other for the same reason. Sometimes friends don't understand each other at all. And everything I just said is why we all need friends beyond the people we stalk on Facebook, the people we work with, or the people we happen to be related to.